This section is devoted to listing articles, links and/or any other sorts of reference material on parenting and behavioral topics. Listed items include many that have been previously posted in the Weekly Activity Guide.
Following are the subject areas listed in this section:
· Basic Parenting Information
· Body Image (i.e., Bulimia and Anorexia)
· Developmental Issues (e.g., parenting daughters, coping with teenagers, etc.)
· Divorce – Tips for Parenting & Coping after the split
· Education & General School-related Tips (including suggestions for fun educational things to do!!)
· Family & Domestic Violence, Juvenile Violence & The Juvenile Justice System
· Medical & Mental Health – The Basics
· Mental Health – Borderline Personality Disorder
· Parental Alienation (including information & links on False Allegations)
· Shared Parenting – The current and dramatically new views of the Massachusetts Probate Court
· Special Education (including Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)
· Sex, Sexual & Substance Abuse
· War, Terrorism & Post Traumatic Stress
NOTE: For those seeking to
review a specific topic, doing a work search under the edit function is the
best way to quickly find relevant articles and/or links.
Next, please note the following very standard disclaimer: Unless otherwise SPECIFICALLY noted within an individual listing, ALL ARTICLES, INDIVIDUALS AND/OR ORGANIZATIONS LISTED BELOW should be seen as merely suggestions for your individual review and consideration as opposed to offered up as endorsed and/or otherwise vetted by Fathers & Families.
Finally, please do feel free to send along your suggestions,
comments and/or criticisms to mailto:billzamzow@netscape.net
BASIC PARENTING INFORMATION
Two articles by Reporter Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe addressing the special needs of adopted children also offer many readily transferable and very useful insights for those parenting ANY children who have suffered less than stable and/or multiple households and/or who have been less than fully nurtured. With but the slightest bit of imagination and reflection, BOTH ARTICLES also offer very useful insights to and suggestions for Stepparents!!
The primary article is NURTURING AN ADOPTED CHILD, © BOSTON GLOBE 2004, see http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/01/29/nurturing_an_adopted_child
And, for an accompanying checklist of parenting suggestions, RESPOND WITH LOVE, NOT ANGER, © BOSTON GLOBE 2004, see also http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/01/29/respond_with_love_not_anger
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to either/both, do an Edit/Find word search for “NURTURING AN ADOPTED” and/or “RESPOND WITH LOVE”
For an EXTREMELY useful primer on how to encourage proper behavior from your children (as well as by you…) during the holidays (as well in general), be sure to read HOW TO BRING OUT THEIR BEST - A Discussion On Manners Could Prevent Awkward Situations by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe Staff at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/12/23/how_to_bring_out_their_best (this posting is also listed on Parenting Information list, ed.).
Given the Globe’s short time only
ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this
list. To speed you along to the text,
do an Edit/Find word search for “BRING OUT THEIR BEST”
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO FACE – Children of divorce tend to have an even harder time coping with their own failed first “dating” relationships. For very thoughtful and insightful suggestions on what a parent can do to mitigate teenage heartbreak, be sure to read “PICKING UP THE PIECES AFTER A TRAUMATIC TEENAGE BREAKUP,” by Barbara F. Meltz of the Boston Globe.
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “PICKING UP THE PIECES”
Wondering what to do about the kids & cell phones, then see KIDS AND CELL PHONES: Making the right call, by Barbara F. Meltz, © Boston Globe 2004. This article covers many important topics and makes great suggestions. See http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/09/23/kids_and_cellphones_making_the_right_call
Given the Globe’s short time only ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “MAKING THE RIGHT CALL”
Check out CONNECTION FOR KIDS – GUIDANCE FOR GROWN-UPS. This very comprehensive parent’s FREE weekly e-guide runs the gamut of topics from suggestions for learning about nature to useful tips on Summer Camp for children with learning disabilities. This site also very strongly addresses the importance of fathers even when not in the house. Additional subject resource topic areas include child abuse, childcare and development, education, “out of school time” and much more. To see but a sample of the many topics discussed in CONNECTION FOR KIDS, see http://www.connectforkids.org/resources3139/resources_list.htm?attrib_id=320 as well as be sure to sign up for its FREE newsletter as well explore the whole site from its homepage at http://www.connectforkids.org
Need help making YOUR RESIDENCE CHILD SAFE!?!?! Then be sure to read THE YEARS OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY – COMMON SENSE, AND SOME WELL-CHOSEN PRODUCTS, WILL HELP CHILDPROOF YOUR HOME by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe. To see this article online, go to http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/11/11/the_years_of_living_dangerously
Given the Globe’s short time only ready and free access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “CHILDPROOF YOUR HOME”
DADS DO MATTER and THE BOSTON PARENTS PAPER offers up DADS,
THE UNIQUE WAYS THEY RELATE TO KIDS.
To see the article online, see http://parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=4242
Also, be sure to surf the BOSTON PARENTS PAPER online at http://parenthood.com and, for other Father-focused articles, be sure to also check out http://parenting.parenthood.com/categorydisplay.html?IDENTIFIER=83&subcats=532&AG=&segment=parenting for all sorts of great parenting information!!!
Sexual Predators on the web are already a well-known problem. Sadly, so too are bullies. For thoughtful article on this problem, see CYBERBULLYING IS A PROBLEM THAT PARENTS COULD BE MISSING by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/11/18/cyberbullying_is_a_problem_that_parents_could_be_missing
Given the Globe’s short time only
ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this
list. To speed you along to the text,
do an Edit/Find word search for “CYBERBULLYING”
For
practical tips on fathering, consider subscribing to DOWN TO EARTH DAD. Also, consider joining the DADS MATTER!
PROJECT™, a Down to Earth Dad’s project to involve men in early education
initiatives. To find out more about
either/both, see http://downtoearthdad.org/default.htm
or http://www.downtoearthdad.org/DadsMatterProject.htm
FAIRNESS -- Children's Idea of Fairness Isn't Necessarily What Counts A very thoughtful article on Children and notions of Fairness by Barbara F. Meltz, a reporter for the Boston Globe is reprinted in full at the end of this list given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “FAIRNESS ISN'T NECESSARILY WHAT COUNTS”
FAMILY FUN – Art Atencio from Los Angeles CA – a single
parent who raised his now nearly 40 year old son – would like everyone to know
about FAMILY FUN, a Disney website that lists all sorts of useful information
ranging from inexpensive Activity Ideas & Crafts to Planning Parties to
Raising Kids to Travel. Listings
further include games, recipes, how to conquer
morning chaos, the proper way to brush children's teeth and even a section
entitled Parent Problem Solving. To surf
this informative site, see http://familyfun.go.com
FLYING – With travel often facing families of divorce, it might be helpful to review a very useful paper by BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare provider, entitled “UP IN THE AIR: FLYING WITH CHILDREN.” To see the article, go to http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=54&id=61&mailjobid=107&track=49550#61
For GREAT tips on
successfully starting FIRST TIME
SWIMMERS, see “SOME CAMPERS MUST SLOWLY TEST THE WATERS” from the pages of
the Boston Globe at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/07/08/some_campers_must_slowly_test_the_waters
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “SLOWLY TEST THE WATERS”
For an informative discussion on Friends with Benefits,
the recent and very worrisome trend among teens for engaging in casual sex, see
'FWB' TREND DISTORTS THE LESSONS OF SEX AND LOVE by Barbara Meltz of the
Boston Globe at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/10/21/fwb_trend_distorts_the_lessons_of_sex_and_love This often
ruinous and self-destructive trend among youth is something that is clearly a
risk factor for children from broken homes.
This article is a MUST READ!!!!
Given the Globe’s short time only
ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted in full at the end
of this list. To speed you along to the
text, do an Edit/Find word search for “TREND DISTORTS”
WITH GAY MARRIAGE A REALITY IN THE COMMONWEALTH, as well as that some heterosexual marriages break-ups entail a parent coming out, Boston Globe Columnist Barbara Meltz offers up some useful suggestions for addressing adult homosexual relationships with your children in a recent readers’ questions column.
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “TWO MOMMIES GET MARRIED”
Just in time for the holidays! For an EXTREMELY insightful discussion on GIFT BUYING for children, see WHEN YOU GIVE A TOY, YOU ENDORSE VALUES by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/12/02/when_you_give_a_toy_you_endorse_values
Given the Globe’s short time only ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “ENDORSE VALUES”
For a couple of insightful articles on dealing with your children over the holidays, please go to the this list to read the following articles by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe, THE HOLIDAYS CAN TRIGGER A CONFUSING SADNESS FOR TEENS and PARENTS CAN GIVE THE GIFT OF COMPROMISE, © BOSTON GLOBE 2004.
Both of these articles are reprinted in full below given the Globe’s short term-only free online access to its articles. To quickly access text for either of the above noted articles, do an Edit/Find word search for “HOLIDAYS CAN TRIGGER” and/or “THE GIFT OF COMPROMISE”
Want REAL responses when asking “how was your day at school?!?!?! If so, then read IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW, DO MORE THAN ASK 'HOW WAS YOUR DAY?' by Barbara F. Meltz, © Boston Globe 2004 at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/09/02/if_you_really_want_to_know_do_more_than_ask_how_was_your_day
Given the Globe’s short time only free online availability of articles, this article is also reprinted in full at the end of this week’s list. To speed along to it, do Edit/Find word search for “IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW”
ON INFANTS AND TV, CIRCUMCISION, AND DIVORCE, by Barbara F. Meltz, © 2004 Globe Newspaper Company. This article offers up some very thoughtful insights on these topics.
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along, do an Edit/Find word search for “ON INFANTS AND TV”
For very useful tips on listening to your child, see LENDING MORE THAN AN EAR: REALLY LISTENING TAKES PRACTICE, by Barbara F. Meltz of the Boston Globe. For but one insightful comment among many: "Once a child is heard and his feelings are accepted, (s)he can move on…," To see the article online, see http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/02/05/lending_more_than_an_ear_really_listening_takes_practice
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along, do an Edit/Word search for “LENDING MORE THAN AN EAR”
WCVB Channel 5 recently posted two useful articles on HOW TO MANAGE YOUR MEDICINE CABINET on its site the BostonChannel.com
The first, c/o the U. S. Food & Drug Administration, is
YOUR MEDICINE CABINET NEEDS A CHECK-UP, TOO is at http://wcvb-tvhealth.ip2m.com/index.cfm?PageType=ArticleItem&Action=ShowItem&Item_ID=3360&Site_Cat_ID=237
The other companion article – IS
YOUR MEDICINE CABINET SAFE? – can be seen at http://wcvb-tvhealth.ip2m.com/index.cfm?PageType=ArticleItem&Action=ShowItem&Item_ID=9380&Site_Cat_ID=13
More than a little bit tired of designer labels, logos and
other gotta have it items!?!?! Well,
guess what, it’s worse than you think.
Marketing to children has reached both extreme and arguably problematic
levels. The good news, not giving them
everything is not harmful – the bad news, giving in can cause serious
emotional problems. For great
insights into the problems as well as for effective solutions and antidotes,
see PROTECTING KIDS FROM MARKETERS' CLUTCHES, by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe.
NUTRITION – “SIMPLE AND NUTRITIOUS LUNCHBOX CHOICES
(This article by BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare
provider is also great for tips for meal planning in general, ed.): Everyday, many of us have the same
challenge: What can we pack for nutritious and tasty lunches for our children?
Trying to get out of the house on time – breakfast eaten, backpack in hand,
lunch included – seems to be challenging enough. Here are some
simple nutritious lunchbox combinations that don’t require refrigeration. To
avoid choking, remember to cut your child’s food into bite-size pieces and
don’t give toddlers or preschool-age children uncooked carrot sticks or broccoli
or other difficult to chew foods.” For
a few lunch menu ideas, consider:
“This list looks simple and easy, but you may be thinking, ‘My child will never eat food that nutritious.’ How can we encourage our children to eat what’s in their lunchbox when we aren’t there to remind, cajole, or ‘strongly advise’ them?” To find out how, as well as other useful nutritional tips, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=59&id=68&mailjobid=113&track=49550#68
Could taking a PARENTING CLASS be helpful? If so, then consider FAMILIES FIRST’S PARENTING PROGRAMS. This organization was co-founded by Wheelock College and the Children’s Museum of Boston 1988 and it offers a wide range of classes at many convenient locations throughout Metro Boston. For but two examples, Family First offers classes on how to raise daughters to reach their full potential as well as positive approaches to discipline and setting limits. Class prices are very reasonable (e.g., a four 90 minute seminar typically runs around $60). 99 Bishop Richard Allen Drive, CAMBRIDGE MA. Call 617-868-7687 or see http://www.families-first.org
Need a few insights on POTTY TRAINING?!? If so, check out the following article from the BOSTON Globe at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/08/12/deadline_for_preschool_adds_to_pressures_of_potty_training
Given the Globe’s short time only free online availability of articles, this article is also reprinted in full at the end of this week’s list. To speed along to it, do a Edit/Find word search for “Pressures of Potty Training”
REMEMBERING THE LITTLE THINGS – BIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare provider, has written the following brief but excellent discussion on Remembering The Little Things. Key to this notion is establishing new rituals (or reinvigorating old ones) such as: Saturday trips to the library or a bookstore, a nature walk (even if it’s just around the block) to look around, listen, and smell. Obviously, for non-custodial parents, such efforts are both essential and sure to provide priceless memories. For more suggestions, see the full text at http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=50&id=57&mailjobid=103&track=49550#57
THE IMPORTANCE OF ROUTINES – BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY
SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare provider, has written a brief but excellent
discussion on the Importance Of Routines for children, especially young
ones. While the article is admittedly
written more for working mothers struggling with getting everyone off to school
and herself to work, the article’s core suggestions are still completely
applicable and valid ones for non-custodial parents. Simply put, the article suggests that establishing a positive and
consistent routine makes things easier for ALL concerned. For the full text of the article, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=46&id=53&mailjobid=99&track=49550#53
SCHOOL DRAWS OUT LONELY KIDS BY FOSTERING FRIENDSHIPS, by Kathy Slobogin, © CNN 2002. See http://www.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/parenting/07/30/cov.teaching.friendship
This article is also reprinted in full in case the above link no longer works. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “SCHOOL DRAWS OUT LONELY KIDS”
DEALING WITH SEPARATION – For a short but excellent discussion as well as very thoughtful and effective suggestions on Dealing With Separation from Bright Horizons/Family Solutions™, the world’s largest daycare provider see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=42&id=49&mailjobid=95&track=49550#49
SHYNESS – Divorce and separation certainly don’t help A SHY CHILD. Per Bright Horizons, as many as 20% of all children are shy, however, parents and caregivers can play an important role in helping children overcome shyness and fearfulness. The key is to not be overly protective or solicitous as well as that the best way to help children overcome their shyness and caution is to provide measured experiences, gentle coaching and support. For more information, tips and reference material for dealing with a shy child from, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=44&id=51&mailjobid=97&track=49550#51
If interested in books for and about Shy Kids, Bright Horizons also suggests the following:
* ABSOLUTELY LUCY, by Ilene Cooper.
* WINGS, by Christopher Myers.
* THE BLUSHFUL HIPPOPOTAMUS, by Charles Raschko.
* SHY CHARLES, by Rosemary Wells.
* ZUCCHINI, by Barbara Dana.
Other Bright Horizons suggestions for information on shyness include the following.
Is there a shyness gene? Many researchers think that there is a gene that results in a disposition toward shyness. For a discussion on this viewpoint, see http://gnn.tigr.org/articles/04_00/shyness.shtml
For practical advice for children and teens on how to build confidence, make new friends and live a fuller, happier and more colorful life, see http://www.Shykids.com
For research on helping children overcome SHYNESS, see http://www.une.edu.au/psychology/staff/malouff/shyness.htm
DOES YOUR CHILD EVER HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING? If so, please note that Boston Globe columnist Barbara Meltz has written a great pair of articles on differentiating between nightmares and night terrors as well as tips for dealing with either/both. The articles are:
WHEN NIGHT TERRORS AND NIGHTMARES DISTURB NIGHTTIME, © Boston Globe, see http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/078/at_home/When_night_terrors_and_nightmares_disturb_nighttimeP.shtml
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “When Night Terrors”
JUST A BAD DREAM, OR MORE? by Barbara F. Meltz, © Boston Globe, see http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/078/at_home/Just_a_bad_dream_or_more_+.shtml
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “Just a Bad Dream”
Opps, it’s time for one of those conversations…. THE INFAMOUS HALFTIME “SHOW” DURING THE SUPER BOWL has surely hit a lot of hot buttons in many households. For some tips about how to CONSTRUCTIVELY address what happened at the Super Bowl - or anything similar, be sure to see the suggestions offered in KIDS MAY NEED TO TALK ABOUT A REVEALING HALFTIME SHOW by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe Staff – see http://www.boston.com/news/globe/living/articles/2004/02/05/kids_may_need_to_talk_about_a_revealing_halftime_show
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along, do an Edit/Find word search for “KIDS MAY NEED TO TALK”
SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH YOUR TODDLER'S EYES MAKES BIG DIFFERENCE, by Barbara Meltz, © 2004 Boston Globe. This article is an incredible treasure trove of insights. Also, while this article is geared for the parents of toddlers, many of the points and suggestion offered in it are readily applicable to all ages, ADULTS INCLUDED!!!
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along, do an Edit/Find word search for “SEEING THE WORK THROUGH YOUR”
TIRED OF THE TUBE, MTV AND/OR RADIO DISNEY!?!?!?! If so, F&F member Bill Brooks has a great tip!!! Emerson College’s radio station, WERS (88.9 FM), broadcasts a children's music program called "THE PLAYGROUND" every SATURDAY & SUNDAY from 5 pm to 8 pm. The music ranges from Veggie Tales to Steve Blunt to Mary Poppins. The hosts are said to be fantastic (albeit a bit silly) and they will gladly play requests and make birthday dedications!!! See http://www.wers.org/playground.htm for information on upcoming shows, etc., and give THE PLAYGROUND a listen!!!
BODY IMAGE
Detrimental concerns about body image are giving rise to increasingly serious problems, most especially for children from broken homes. At the same time, these issues also can be effect adults, too. For but a handful of starting places to begin to understand and then endeavor to deal with these often baffling problems, check out the following.
For practical help and advice
online for ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA, see http://www.troubledwith.com
For information on ANOREXIA AND
BULIMIA, see http://bulimia.medical-information.org
For help searching for potential TREATMENT providers for ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA nationwide, consider http://www.cmorrow.net/Resources2.htm
Massachusetts’ residents facing EATING DISORDERS within the family are particularly fortunate given that the internationally famous THE KLARMAN EATING DISORDERS CENTER is located at (Harvard’s) McLean Hospital in BELMONT MA. Please also note that McLean Hospital not only offers useful information online in addition to its treatment programs, it also regularly offers free presentations open to the general public. For more information, see http://www.mclean.harvard.edu/patient/child/edc.php
FOR OVERWEIGHT YOUTHS, TEASING AT HOME OFTEN HURTS THE MOST, by Barbara F. Meltz, © 2004 Boston Globe. See http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/04/29/for_overweight_youths_teasing_at_home_often_hurts_the_most
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “TEASING AT HOME”
OBESE CHILDREN MORE LIKELY BULLIED - Canadian study also links weight to aggressiveness, by Lindsey Tanner, Associated Press, © 2004.
CHICAGO -- Overweight adolescents are more likely than normal-weight children to be victims and (ed.) perpetrators of bullying, a study found, bolstering evidence that being fat endangers emotional as well as physical health.
The results in a study of 5,749 Canadian youngsters echo data from British research and follow a US study published last year in which obese children rated their quality of life as low as young cancer patients' because of teasing and weight-related health problems.
While not surprising given the stigma of being overweight, the new findings underscore the importance of enlisting teachers and schools in the fight to prevent and treat obesity in children, said lead author Ian Janssen, an obesity researcher at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario.
"Anybody who's ever been on a playground would know" that overweight children are among those who get picked on, Janssen said, adding that in some cases, that may lead the youngsters to become bullies themselves.
The study appears in the May edition of Pediatrics, to be released today.
Janssen said obesity rates in Canadian children tripled from the 1980s to 1990s and show no signs of slowing, similar to rising rates in other developed nations and in the United States, where 15 percent of school-aged youngsters are obese and are increasingly plagued by related health problems.
The toll on emotional health is just as worrisome, the researchers said. "The social and psychological ramifications induced by the bullying-victimization process may hinder the social development of overweight and obese youth, because adolescents are extremely reliant on peers for social support, identity, and self-esteem," the researchers said.
Their data are based on a national survey of Canadian youngsters, ages 11 to 16, conducted in 2002. Among normal-weight youngsters, almost 11 percent said they were victims of bullying, compared with 14 percent of overweight youngsters and nearly 19 percent of obese youngsters. About 8 percent of normal-weight children said they were perpetrators, compared with 11 percent of overweight youngsters and 9 percent of the obese children.
Obese boys and girls were more than two times more likely than normal-weight youngsters to be victims of "relational" bullying, being intentionally left out of social activities. Obese girls were about twice as likely to be physically bullied on a weekly basis than normal-weight girls. Among obese boys, the risk was slightly lower but still substantially higher than for normal-weight boys.
Obese girls were more than five times more likely than normal-weight girls to physically bully other youngsters at least once weekly. Among boys, the risk of being physically aggressive was only slightly increased, but they were more than twice as likely to make fun of others and spread lies and rumors than normal-weight boys.
Sylvia Rimm, a child psychologist in Cleveland and author of "Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children," said many schools with anti-bullying programs don't specifically address overweight youngsters.
Two recent articles by Reporter Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe addressing the special needs of adopted children offer many useful insights for those parenting ANY children who have suffered less than stable and/or multiple households or been less than fully nurtured. With but the slightest bit of imagination and reflection, BOTH ARTICLES also offers very useful insights to and suggestions for Stepparents!!
The primary article by Meltz is NURTURING AN ADOPTED CHILD, © Boston Globe 2004, see http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/01/29/nurturing_an_adopted_child
And for her accompanying short checklist of parenting suggestions, RESPOND WITH LOVE, NOT ANGER, © Boston Globe 2004, see http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/01/29/respond_with_love_not_anger
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to either/both, do an Edit/Find word search for “NURTURING AN ADOPTED” and/or “RESPOND WITH LOVE”
Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe had done it again with THERE ARE BENEFITS TO BOREDOM. This very informative and insightful article discusses the importance of quiet time and learning, professionals’ thoughts on controlling TV time and even as regards over-stimulation and learning disabilities. See this article online at http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/022/at_home/There_are_benefits_to_boredom+.shtml
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to it, do an Edit/Find word search for “BENEFITS TO”
PARENT(S) CAN BECOME A PARTNER(S) IN PROBLEM-SOLVING, also by Barbara F. Meltz, © Boston Globe 2004, is a companion checklist of suggestions to her THERE ARE BENEFITS TO BOREDOM article. See the article online at http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/022/at_home/Parent_can_become_a_partner_in_problem_solving+.shtml
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to it, do an Edit/Find word search for “CAN BECOME A PARTNER”
CARING FOR YOUR TEENAGER is the latest handbook from an American Academy of Pediatrics series and it offers sound advice for helping parents and children negotiate smooth transitions during the ages of 12 to 21. Topics addressed include setting and enforcing rules and boundaries, understanding the impact of movies, music and videos, spotting signs of binge drinking and other risky behaviors, providing good nutrition, and how to talk about sex, peer pressure and date rape. The handbook costs $18.95. For more information, including how to order, see http://www.aap.org/advocacy/releases/mayteen.htm
HOW TO INSPIRE, UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER
– For great tips for Dads of Daughters, check out “How To Inspire, Understand
And Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast” for thoughtful
guidance on dealing with body image, dating, careers, drugs, media pressures to
be desirable and other matters that are key to fostering a healthy
father-daughter relationship, see http://www.dadsanddaughters.org/book/book_index.html
SCHOOL DRAWS OUT LONELY KIDS BY FOSTERING FRIENDSHIPS, by Kathy Slobogin, © CNN 2002. See http://www.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/parenting/07/30/cov.teaching.friendship
This article is also reprinted in full in case the above link no longer works. To speed you along to the text, do an edit word search for “SCHOOL DRAWS OUT LONELY KIDS”
More than a little bit tired of designer labels, logos and
other gotta have it items!?!?! Well,
guess what, it’s worse than you think.
Marketing to children has reached both extreme and arguably problematic
levels. The good news, not giving them
everything is not harmful – the bad news, giving in can cause serious
emotional problems. For great
insights into the problems as well as for effective solutions and antidotes,
see PROTECTING KIDS FROM MARKETERS' CLUTCHES, by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe.
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “MARKETERS’ CLUTCHES”
MOTHER/DAUGHTER FIGHTING is as old and as common as, well, the morning sunrise. While such fights can be indicative of much more serious problems, Boston Globe Columnist Barbara Meltz offers many profound insights and helpful tips for fathers sitting on the sidelines watching the bickering. To see the article online, go to http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/05/27/for_mothers_and_daughters_fightings_part_of_growing_up
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “FOR MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS” to find a complete reprint of this article.
WORRIED ABOUT OR GETTING GRIEF OVER YOUR SONS WATCHING WWF/RAW?!?!?! Psychologist Michael Thompson, who wrote the groundbreaking book RAISING CAIN, a somewhat recent book warning about boys and violence in North America (see http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/104-9088885-3291942 for this and other books by Thompson), says we should stop worrying about boys indulging in war games, wrestling and fantasy play and begin embracing (“some” of, ed.) their low-brow tastes. Why clearly acknowledging that there are things to be concerned about, Thompson suggests that these lowbrow tastes and vicarious thrills of adolescent boys are, well, just a phase and not necessarily a first step towards Columbine. In particular, Thompson told a gathering of librarians from across North America that ''snobbery and elitism'' are too much a part of the prevailing attitudes toward boys. For a fuller discussion from The National Post, Canada’s premier weekly news magazine, see http://www.nationalpost.com/home/story.html?id=E8D2D9A7-FC56-49D1-A83B-C6070F8D72E8
Parental expressions of ANGER can linger for longer and over much less than one might realize. For a thoughtful essay on this subject by Boston Globe columnist Barbara Meltz, see WHEN PARENTS ARE ANGRY, KIDS FEEL BLAME at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/06/24/when_parents_are_angry_children_feel_the_blame
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “WHEN PARENTS ARE ANGRY”
While geared more towards (custodial) mothers, WHEN A DIVORCED PARENT STARTS DATING by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe is still a very worthwhile read. To see this article online, go to http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/10/28/when_a_divorced_parent_starts_dating
Given the Globe’s short time only
ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this
list. To speed you along to the text,
do an Edit/Find word search for “PARENT STARTS DATING”
For a quick primer and insights on problems to expect as well as suggestions for DEALING WITH YOUR CHILD(REN)’S UPSET IN THE WAKE OF DIVORCE OR SEPARATION, see DISCIPLINE FOLLOWING DIVORCE: 4 TECHNIQUES at http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T110240.asp
Need some insights into making the most of summer vacation
time with your children?!?!?! If so,
then be sure to read HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF SUMMER TIME TOGETHER by Boston Globe Columnist Barbara Meltz at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/07/01/how_to_make_the_most_of_summer_time_together/
Given the Boston
Globe’s short-time only online availability of its articles, the full text of
this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an
Edit/Find word search for “MAKE THE MOST OF SUMMER TIME TOGETHER”
YOU THINK DIVORCING IS EASY? FUHGEDDABOUDIT, by Barbara Meltz, © 2004 Boston Globe
For tips for dealing with teens during separation and divorce, Sopranos-style, see http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/04/08/you_think_divorcing_is_easy_fuhgeddaboudit
Given the Globe’s short term free online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also posted at the end of this list – just do an edit/search for “FUGEDDABOUDIT” to speed you along to the article.
For a companion article/checklist to FUHGEDDABOUIT, see also AFTER PARENTS SEPARATE, TEENS MAY ACT OUT at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/04/08/after_parents_separate_teens_may_act_out
Given the Boston Globe’s short-time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “TEENS MAY ACT OUT”
ON INFANTS AND TV, CIRCUMCISION, AND DIVORCE, by Barbara Meltz, © 2004 Globe Newspaper Company. This article offers very thoughtful points about there being NO GOOD age for a child to suffer a family breakup.
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along, do an Edit/Find word search for “ON INFANTS AND TV”
DEALING WITH SEPARATION – Be sure to check out the following link for a short but excellent discussion as well as very thoughtful and effective suggestions on Dealing With Separation from Bright Horizons/Family Solutions™, the world’s largest daycare provider see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=42&id=49&mailjobid=95&track=49550#49
HOW A CHILD LEARNS – Art Atencio of Culver City CA offers up the a useful link on “How A Child Learns.” Is your son or grandson good at art? Is there is a young woman in your family who loves to read or excels at math?
The theory of Multiple Intelligences proposes
that all of us possess nine different types of intelligence, but that we may be
weak in one and excel in another.
Identifying your child's dominant and weak intelligences will help you
discover how your child learns best.
You can take the test for a young one in your family go to http://tinyurl.com/oo34 Also be sure to surf about the rest of this
very information home site for link at http://www.kidsedge.com
“HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER (AND YOUR CHILD)…” BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare provider, would like to remind everyone that “… when parents and teachers work together, children’s education and care improves. Research shows that when children perceive parents and teachers as allies, children are more motivated and successful. As parents, we appreciate teachers who are knowledgeable, professional, nurturing, sensitive to our concerns, open to our suggestions and generous with information. Teachers appreciate the same qualities from us, so take a little time to become a supportive partner. Despite busy schedules and all the demands on our time, it is critical to be informed and communicate effectively.”
Key
parental efforts including reading any and all “Classroom and Center or School Information” you can as
well as don’t ever hesitate to “ASK QUESTIONS.” For more suggestions, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=59&id=70&mailjobid=113&track=49550#70
Any of your children in the process of applying to COLLEGE, if so, be SURE to read COLLEGE APPLICATIONS ADD TO HOLIDAY STRESS - Parents, Students Often Clash As Deadlines Near – by Barbara Meltz of the Boston Globe. This article offers many great tips to get through the process and can be accessed at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/12/16/college_applications_add_to_holiday_stress
Given the Globe’s short time only
ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this
list. To speed you along to the text,
do an Edit/Find word search for “ADD TO HOLIDAY STRESS”
CRITICAL HOURS – “After School Programs and Educational Success. High-quality after-school programs can boost
student academic success by providing students with opportunities that are hard
to find during the school day -- including personal attention from adults, a
peer group with positive aspirations, and hands-on activities that hold their
interest and develop their skills and confidence. This review of the research
also finds that the benefits far outweigh the costs, as the positive effects
extend to families, employers and communities -- a ‘new
neighborhood.’" This information
comes c/o the e-magazine CONNECT FOR KIDS – Guidance for Grown-ups and the
direct link to the whole article by the Nellie Mae Foundation is at http://www.nmefdn.org/CriticalHours.htm
Did you know that securities industry titan Charles Schwab is DYSLEXIC or that SchwabLearning.Org provides for free A PARENT’S GUIDE TO HELPING KIDS WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES!?! For but an example of a great recent online article, see ANALYZING YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL RECORDS, a “… simple, four-step process to keep your child's records current, complete, and accurate” at http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=862 Also be sure to see IS IT A LEARNING DISABILITY OR SOMETHING ELSE? that can also be found at the above noted link. For the SchwabLearning.Org homepage, see http://www.schwablearning.org
ROOTS
OF SUCCESS: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE -- “I want my child to succeed in school. What can I do?” BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest
daycare provider offers up Roots
Of Success: Emotional Intelligence. For
a slightly different slant on notions of intelligence other than the
traditional IQ sorts of measurements, see the following link for a useful
introduction on the sorts of emotional skills that help a child grow and
succeed in school at http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=67&id=79&mailjobid=123&track=49550#79
FAMILY FUN – Art Atencio from Los Angeles CA – a
single parent who raised his now 40-something son – would like everyone to know
about FAMILY FUN, a Disney website that lists all sorts of useful information
ranging from inexpensive Activity Ideas & Crafts to Planning Parties to
Raising Kids to Travel. Listings
further include games, recipes, how to conquer
morning chaos, the proper way to brush children's teeth and even a section
entitled Parent Problem Solving. To
surf this very informative site, see http://familyfun.go.com
“GROWING A LIFELONG READER…” BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™,
the world’s largest daycare provider, suggests that … (t)here are few gifts
that we can give to our children more precious and substantial than a love of
reading. It’s a gift that can banish boredom and open up new worlds. Books can
become friends, magical keys, carpets, and no-nonsense instructors or gentle
guides…” For an informative essay, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=57&id=66&mailjobid=109&track=49550#66
HOMEWORK: MAKING IT A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYONE. BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare provider, has some very useful insights on homework!! “Oh no, not more homework! Who dreads homework? Surprisingly enough, parents often dread the responsibility of homework even more than their children, although a significant number of parents believe that too little is expected of children. The data shows, however, that the length of homework assignments is increasing… With busy family lives, how can children finish their homework, participate in activities like soccer or gymnastics, squeeze in dinner and find some time just to hang out? How do we encourage our children to complete their assignments without constant nagging and coercing? What if we don’t know the subject matter well enough to help and guide our children – Who remembers the Pythagorean theorem?”
For suggestions and ideas on making homework a more positive experience, including links to helpful tutorial and other informational websites FOR PARENTS as well as very useful US Department of Education publications, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=66&id=78&mailjobid=122&track=49550#78
Want REAL responses when asking “how was your day at school?!?!?! If so, then read IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW, DO MORE THAN ASK 'HOW WAS YOUR DAY?' by Barbara F. Meltz, © Boston Globe 2004 at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/09/02/if_you_really_want_to_know_do_more_than_ask_how_was_your_day
Given the Globe’s short time only free online availability of articles, this article is also reprinted in full at the end of this week’s list. To speed along to it, do a word search for “IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW”
For an interesting, effective and it’s about time approach
to Parent-Teacher conferences – include the student!! – see
A TWIST ON THE PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE by Barbara F. Meltz of the
Boston Globe http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/10/07/a_twist_on_the_parent_teacher_conference
Given the Globe’s short time only ready access to its articles, this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “A TWIST ON THE”
KIDS AND THE MEDIA (in particular, inappropriate “mature” adults media) – “How well does the ratings system work to keep teens from accessing explicit material? Not well enough, says the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). Although the numbers are improving, this year's FTC's nationwide "mystery shopper" study found that 83 percent of teen shoppers could buy explicit-labeled recordings and 69 percent were able to purchase mature-rated video games. Movie theaters allowed only 36 percent of shoppers admission to R-rated movies, but 81 percent could buy R-rated DVD’s in stores. The FTC hosted a day-long workshop on October 29 to discuss these findings and other issues surrounding self-regulation in the entertainment industry.”
This information comes c/o the e-magazine CONNECT FOR KIDS – Guidance for Grown-ups and the direct link to the whole FTC article is http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2003/10/shopper.htm
For additional help, tips and reviews from a PARENTAL PERSPECTIVE on all manner of media, ranging from books to movies, be sure to see http://fathersandfamilies.org/Publications/0001-MOVIE-Reviews-Aug-2004-2.htm
POLITICS FOR KIDS – The e-magazine CONNECT FOR KIDS – Guidance for Grown-ups recently ran a great article on Kids and Politics, including Kids Question the Candidates!!! This issue also has a number of other very informative articles, including a review of the Results of Nationwide Undercover Survey on children’s exposure to inappropriate electronic media (e.g., “adult” websites) as well as an educational-focused essay entitled Critical Hours. To see the current issue, go to http://www.connectforkids.org//newsletter-url1571/newsletter-url.htm and to go directly to Kids and Politics e-forum, see http://www.kidsandpolitics.org
SCHOOL DRAWS OUT LONELY KIDS BY FOSTERING FRIENDSHIPS, by Kathy Slobogin, © CNN 2002. See http://www.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/parenting/07/30/cov.teaching.friendship
This article is also reprinted in full in case the above link no longer works. To speed you along to the text, do an edit word search for “SCHOOL DRAWS OUT LONELY KIDS”
SCHOOL MAY BE OUT BUT LEARNING IS A LIFELONG AND YEAR-ROUND PROPOSITION. For great insights into and suggestions for summer reading with your children to keep them academically engaged over summer vacation, see http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/06/10/wherever_you_go_bring_some_books for WHEREVER YOU GO, BRING SOME BOOKS, yet another great article by Boston Globe Children’s Columnist Barbara Meltz.
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of this article is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, do an Edit/Find word search for “WHEREVER YOU GO”
TEACHABLE MOMENTS – BRIGHT HORIZONS/FAMILY SOLUTIONS™, the world’s largest daycare provider, has written the following brief but excellent discussion on the notion of TEACHABLE MOMENTS. Key notions include viable teaching efforts at appropriate (read: “not excessive”) levels as well as promoting the importance of encouraging further inquiry by your child(ren) over just automatically seeking or providing answers. Further suggestions on enhancing the quality of time together are also discussed and which are particularly applicable to non-custodial parents. Following is part of the discussion:
“We live in a society in which parents often feel driven to excel at the role of their child’s first teacher. What’s wrong with that? Sometimes this results in parental angst and even guilt – am I doing the right thing?…...
(For example, a) mother was with her 4-year old son at the zoo and was looking over a huge L-shaped area with a large row of tall trees near the back. The only wildlife visible at that moment was some flamingos. “Look Johnny, do you see those flamingos?” “How many are there?” “Three,” dutiful Johnny replied. “What color are they?” she continued. "Pink," Johnny said. “Are they birds or animals?” (And so) the inquisition continued. As they watched, slowly from behind the trees, two magnificent giraffes lumbered into view. Before his mother could say a word, weary Johnny said with an air of preempting any more discussion, “Giraffes! Two! Yellow!”
Johnny had clearly been over(dosed) on teachable moments (and so) missed the joyful moment of the arrival of the awe-inspiring giraffes.
As parents, we are a child’s first and most enduring teachers – it is through us that children learn most about who they are, who they can be, how the world works, and much of what is important in the world. They learn by example, by conversation, by all of our guiding and coaching, and by the experiences that we arrange for them. We listen to and answer their questions, read books, tell stories, and tell them about the world we know. We share our knowledge and wisdom and who we are. And we do teach, everything from how to cross the street, fry an egg, throw to first base, and sing a song, to what happens when water boils or how many forks are needed at the table.
But parents shouldn’t feel they have to fill their children with information, testing them and putting them through their paces, or turning the world into a classroom. Our job is to keep the child’s love of life and learning intact, to help them develop the drive and sense of personal power to achieve, and to try and make every day a good day to be alive. If we try to turn our role into a teacher too often, it is like teaching a pig to dance – we get dirty, and it only annoys the pig. Our job is much more important – to be a lifelong mentor and supportive presence in our children’s lives.”
For more insights on TEACHABLE MOMENTS, see http://www.brighthorizons.com/site/pages/landing.cfm?campaignid=49&id=56&mailjobid=102&track=49550#56
For books to help you with YOUR CHILD’S TRANSITION FROM HIGH SCHOOL, be sure to consider ''THE LAUNCHING YEARS, Strategies for Parenting from Senior Year to College Life,'' by Laura S. Kastner & Jennifer Wyatt (Three Rivers Press), and ''LETTING GO, A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Fourth Edition,'' by Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Lawrence Treeger. To find out more about these books, research them online at Amazon.com ( http://www.amazon.com )
For a good starting point on how to address recent traumatic events in Chechnya with your child, see VALIDATING FEARS HELPS STUDENTS TO FACE THEM – Boston shootings, Chechens' attack may stoke anxieties, by Barbara Meltz, © Boston Globe September 16, 2004 at http://www.boston.com/yourlife/family/articles/2004/09/16/validating_fears_helps_students_to_face_them
Given the Boston Globe’s short time only online availability of its articles, the full text of these articles is also reprinted at the end of this list. To speed you along to the text, an Edit/Find word search for “Validating Fears Helps”
Contrary to popular belief, CHILD ABUSE IS OVERWHELMING A MATERNAL ACT. Child killings, serious physical abuse and severe mental abuse are maternally inflicted at rates at least twice as often as by fathers. Further, is should be noted that the overwhelming majority of state social services cases involve problematic mothers.
To review recently released applicable U. S. Government statistics documenting these sad verities, see
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm00/chapterfive.htm#perpet,
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm00/figure5_2.htm,
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm00/fivetabfig.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm00/table5_5.htm
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – Contrary to popular opinion, Domestic Violence is much more complex problem as well as one that cuts both ways if more comprehensively and forthrightly viewed in light of the data.
For example, while males admittedly inflict higher rates of physical injuries during domestic incidents, substantive study after substantive study published by major juried journals have found that women typically instigate episodes of Domestic Violence at rates between 10 and 20 percent higher than do males. Even more at more at odds with public perception, a major Canadian government study found that the more severe the incident, the greater the likelihood that the woman was the instigator, with women found to be the instigator of the most serious incidents at a rate three times greater than that of males.
Further, and ironically, it must be noted that the data clearly show but a modest to near-negligible decline in the number of female domestic homicides per year whereas the number of male homicides due to Domestic Violence has dropped dramatically by nearly 60% from since the ready issuance of Restraining Orders (and ironically all but invariably against men, ed.) has become a standard action by the courts and law enforcement. Prior to the pervasive use of Restraining Orders, the number of deaths for both men and women due to domestic violence were very close to equal whereas currently, death due to Domestic Violence average approximately 1,200 women and 500 men per year nationwide.
It should also be noted that if one includes child-killings by a parents with the figures for partner homicides, the sad reality is that mothers kill family members nearly as often as do fathers (see the Child Abuse section above for links to U. S. Government data on the rates and circumstances of child killing as well as for serious abuse).
It must further be noted that the data cited above clearly indicate that children from broken homes face a much higher risk of death and/or all manner of serious abuse committed against them by the subsequent significant others of their mothers than for such actions to be committed by their fathers.